dUNNO wat TO say ~ T.T

whoa... ya dearies... long time din post new blog ald...
=S... actually... i really nothing to say abt now....
T.T~
okay bahs...
say abt PPS okay?
i kno thats boring to u all... but thats wat i just can write abt it...
okay... so start from where ler??

eeerrrrr....
abt the pelantikan bahs...
whoa... tat day so full right??
whole day v domino pizzas...
kenyangnya...!!!
cheers to all newest AJK ooo^^
GAMBATEH for next year jar!!!
we lantik u means sure u can handle ur job nicely XD
jia you and all d best for newest AJK~!
after our domino party... we go in to [teacher's yummy place]...
wat we do??? rompak??
no la... just keng abt who mampu become the AJKT lur...
but those details in privacy ooo!!!
cant tell u guys...
wait till monday bahs...
i will say to u all geh...
I PROMISE!!! =@

here gotta say...
that day... after the pelantikan... i got cry for a moment...
cry for wat cannot say it out...
as my privacy...
KNO PRIVACY CODE THEN I TELL U~XD
then hor... i met a [cychology doctor] dunno got spell wrong or not =X
she saw me cry...
after a while... she sit beside me...
when i stop crying... i start to tell her my feelings...
before i don wan say it out geh!!
but sudden cant control... so discus to her lur~
thank you ya... u really help me a lot...
if not now i sure still dreaming and confusing how to solve my problems...
haiz... useless yer me~
thx for ur help.. truthfully~

after that... i try to tell them y i do it like that...
apa then... they say they did not disagree abt it??
they al very support the result!!??
so supriced me...
yeah... ultimately there is nothing anymore...
but go through all of THESE...
i kno something that i ald be an idiot for many months ago...

for X... i really dunno who r u...
y u treat me like this??
sometimes good and funny like a fren...
sometimes can push me through a deep deep well....
is not accidently case..
but dunno y i still think that u r helping me??
and trying to be frens v me??
omgoodness!!! how stupid am i??
from many things that happened between us...
i really realize that i cannot treat u as a fren...
or even an enemy....
more accurate is a FAKE FREN...
thats wat i can do...
i think it dosent matter u will be more angry abt this...
cuz u didnt use ur true heart to treat me as a fren...
hate u forever~

for the others...
i hope u will support me for xxx lar...
cuz i really hope like that...
the chances that GOD gave me i ald fail it...
and now... i wont give it to the other ppl ald...
cuz its very important to me...
i wont let it pass away from my eyes again...
NEVER!!!!! >.<

my tone dunno y sudden so angry...
XD...
control... control....
cool down... cool down...
all d best for my besties ooo!!!^^

To : V
hope u can change ur attitude...
many ppl becuz of ur little wrong and then refuse to help u and angry u!!
try to change...
change for urself...
if u need frens to trust u and help u back...
need to JYJYJY liao lur~
GAMBATEH YO~...

To : H
dunno wat u like...
sometimes good... sometimes fake...
u will saw the result u hope at the end...
u ald 'duo zhou' many ppl d happiness...
definately they will start to hate u...
include me...
maybe u hope that u wan to like ccc got many frens...
and won their trust...
but u really did this for urself and hurt the others beside u...
see wat u had did for??
be4 i try to forgive and forget those baddy things...
but now... i think i had did the most stupid choice to solve this...
i wont give u any chance ald...
sorry that i really hurt u now...
but i really very angry and gradually...
if u change ald... i will think back we r frens from standard 2 till now....
and forgive anything...
i really hope u can read my blog...
cuz maybe u can find ur bad and try to change....
SORRY Y.Y~

害怕...

最近, 虽然考完试了...
但是...活动就越来越多!!!
多到我喘不过气来...

有时...
会越来越有自信...
因为我终于能掌控得妥妥贴贴...

有时...
因为自己的不足...
导致事情一切一切都渐渐被搞砸...
会很伤心..回想时眼泪禁不住往下掉...
情绪化的一面...都不得已露出马脚...
幸好...这些都没有被别人发现...
自己稍微发泄就好了~

但是...
刚才的会议...
感觉上并不够好...
PPS们都好像觉得...我这个做头的...
没有足够的能力...
听着...我也是人...
也很需要别人的肯定...
因此...我一直都很努力..很努力...
负起责任当好Pengerusi...

之前...
我一直都认为我没有能力...
别人选我当头...只是因为人际关系...
我对之前的自己真的很没有信心...
因此...我没有用心领导这一切...
久而久之...每个人渐渐讨厌我..
就连6位AJKT都不例外...

不久之后...
我相通了..
我真的很后悔那么迟才了解...
刚开始...要让他们接受我并不容易...
那些日子...我都还记得...
我被丢在一旁的感觉...
受同事斜眼的感受...
我一直都记得...

现在...
当情况渐步好转...
但是...
我听到...背后其实还是有人很讨厌我...
我没想到竟然是....X
真的预想不到...
每天对着我嘻嘻哈哈的朋友...
在背后...却反桶我一刀...
我对你...已失望了...

难道...世界就是这样吗??
当我步入光明...偏偏没有看好告示牌写着黑暗...
当我坠入洞穴时...隐隐约约看到一只手向我迎面伸展...
当我被扶上来时他又残忍地再度把我往下推...
让我受了重伤...
饱受疼痛的不是皮肉之苦...
而是心逐渐碎了...Y.Y

最后决定

那巨大无比的石头....
它在我的心房里住了好多好多天....
伙食费和住宿费又不用算!!!
什么天理吗???

那也得怪我...
没有勇气去面对'它'...
看到它居然会怕...
会带面具...
会头低低...
连我的自信也被'它'打败...!

你知道吗雁??仪??
我很后悔没有直接跟它讲...
因为我不知道讲了之后...
它会不会接受??
会不会不当我是朋友...
也许我对它的信任并不够~

考虑了那么久...
我终于提起勇气把我的感觉全部一五一十地说出来...
但是...
那是在考试过后...
我不想影响它...
不然我会后悔一辈子...

因着你们的支持...
我相信...
一切都会回到我们所希望的原点...
把所有的讨厌都消除掉...
迎接太阳的欢笑...
你们说....是不是啊?? XD